My Dearest Baby Vickery,
I am on to you. You may not quite realize the technology that we have here on the outside world, but it is pretty amazing. I know that you are about 6.5 pounds and have a little bit of hair. I've seen your strong heartbeat and your practice breathes. I know that you are ready to come out and be with me and Daddy.
Why then, child, must your torment me so? I beg and plead that each little contraction will escalate into real labor. Partially because I am so excite to meet you, but mostly so that the discomfort of being 9 months pregnant will end. I have been praying since February that you stay where you are so that you can join us fully formed and healthy. Since you are, it's time to vacate the uterus. I suggest that, if you have any desire to have a brother or sister in the future, you make your way to the exit sooner rather than later and as gently as possible.
If this isn't agreeable to you, and I understand how comfortable and warm you are in my belly, can we come to some other arrangement? I won't force you out for another 3 weeks, but you have got to remove your feet from my ribcage. It is completely unacceptable for you to be kicking me there and will result in me taking any measures to evict you.
All my love,